Ever since the introduction of achievements and wireless controllers, the problem of Controller Throwing has got worse. So I thought I will you give a few tips on how to minimize the aftermath and the achievements you should avoid at all cost. Of course I can't tell you what to do, but these achievements are the hardest, of the hardest, of the hardest, with only a few people in the world unlocking them...

STEP 1 : BE BY YOURSELF

Try not to throw a controller when someone else is in the room. Non-gaming family and friends don't understand the frustration and they'll think you should consider Anger Management. The worst people to be in the room when you throw a controller is Xbox 360 gamers. You would think they would understand, but no, they most likely can't stop laughing for the next half hour and they will NEVER let you live it down.

STEP 2 : THROW IT SIDEWAYS

This is tricky because in the heat of the moment, you want to aim the controller at the TV. DON'T! Think about it. It is far cheaper to throw it sideways and hit something 'collateral' Be it some urn with your granny ashes or a lamp shade from your mother-in-law. They will get over it. The new 50 inch Widescreen you just broke won't and you will be crying for weeks. 

STEP 3 :  AVOID DISC SNAP

Sometimes the obvious step after throwing the controller is to take the disc out and snap it in half. Then find the address of the developer and send them the broken disc to the lead designer with a critical review. Trust me, this never ever works, especially if it is Shrek the Third.  You will only feel stupid going back to the store to buy ANOTHER copy.

STEP 4 : AVOID THESE ACHIEVEMENTS 

Check these bad boys out or better still, don't. There are a ton of uber hard achievements, but these are the creme de la creme of hard achievements. Sure COD's Mile High Club or even Harry Potter Gobstones are controller throwing, but these below are so hard, only a few people in the world have cracked them. Because they are so rare, I have mocked up of how the achievement would look as it pops on your TV screen. Feel free and cut them out to paste them on your TV screen at home, just to dream...

1. FINAL FANTASY XI 

You get 30 points for reaching Level 75 for each class and there are eighteen of them. Sounds reasonable enough for an RPG except there are only FIVE people in whole world who have reached 1000 points on Final Fantasy XI so maybe not so reasonable after all. In fact some have suggested over 8000 hours to do this feat. The term Time Consuming does not even cover it.

2. RAYMAN RAVING RABBIDS

Only ELEVEN people in the world have achieved 1000 points on Rayman Raving Rabbids and all of them have been accused of cheating simply because this one achievement is truly impossible. Oh no, it is not glitched. You need to get a perfect round on every level which is really, really hard. On top of that, even if you did get a perfect round, you still will be 1,000 points short of reaching the bonus round, which you need. The developer who thought of this achievement is evil and sadistic and obviously has issues at home.

3. BOMBERMAN ACT ZERO

Years of grinding to achieve this as there are only so many soft blocks per level. Only ELEVEN people have achieved this (not sure if they are the same eleven cheaters above, but highly coincidental, don't you think?) but spending years to get 50 points is a completionist living nightmare. Would you throw a controller if you are happy to grind away? Of course not, but you would at this achievement if you ACTUALLY break 1,000,000 soft blocks and the achievement didn't pop. 

4. CHROMEHOUNDS 

You need to reach Level 100 for each role type. THIRTY-SIX people in the world have bothered to unlock this as you are looking to at 1000+ hours game time. All for twenty points. If you ever decided to achieve this, just remember 99.9 percent of the non-gaming population will NOT understand why you have allowed an achievement to suck the life out of you for twenty points. You need medals at being number one on the leaderboard and also being number one for 72 hours. Obsession doesn't even come into it as this borders on insanity.

5.ROBOTRON : 2084 

This isn't a grind, this is just plain hard. Extremely hard except for SIXTY-EIGHT people who have actually achieved it. The game is a nightmare even to reach Wave 40 let alone Wave 100. There are countless enemies and very little room to move even on the lower levels. The fact that you could reach Wave 99 then balls it up is another reason to put fear into your hearts. As you throw the controller, remind yourself it was only 800 Microsoft Points.

Completion stats care of MyGamerCard.net Credit goes to our Supermoderator Engfan for the model of the story, as he is on his sixth (?) controller.